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Apologies to any Frogs out there- but it IS funny!
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The French Army in action
History, Perhaps Ross Perot is right . When advised that France had announced it would not assist, become allied with or otherwise support the US in any war on Iraq , Perot reportedly said: "Having to go to war without France is sorta like having to go deer hunting without an accordion"
The French Army in action, a brief history...
England over France, July 24, 1340, Sluys, Holland
England over France, August 24, 1346, Crecy, France
England over France, September 19, 1356, Poitiers, France
England over France, October 25, 1415, Agincourt, France
England over France, August 10, 1557, St. Quentin
England over France, July 12, 1691, Aughrim
England over France, May 19, 1692, Cap de la Hogue
England over France, August 13, 1704, Blenheim
England over France, May 23, 1706, Ramillies
England over France, July 17, 1708, Oudenarde
England over France, September 9, 1709, Malplaquet
England over France, June 22, 1757, Plassey, India
England over France, September 13, 1759, Quebec City, Canada
England over France, November 20, 1759, Quiberon Bay
England over France, August 1, 1798, Nile River, Egypt
England over France, October 5, 1805, Cape Trafalgar, Spain
Russia over France, Winter, 1812-1813, Russia
England over France, June 18, 1815, Waterloo, Belgium
Germany over France, September 1, 1870, Sedan, France
Germany over France, September, 1914, Marne river, France
Germany over France, June 14, 1940, Paris, France
Vietnam over France, May 7, 1954, Dien Bien Phu, Vietnam
Algeria over France, September, 1962, Algeria
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The Complete Military History of France
* Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.
* Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female
schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."
* Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.
* Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots.
* Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.
* War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red
flowerpots as chapeaux.
* The Dutch War - Tied
* War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.
* War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.
* American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."
* French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the
opponent was also French.
* The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
* The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany plays the role of drunk frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night.
* World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.
* World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.
* War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.
*Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a
western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish,Vietnamese, and Esquimaux.
* War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fails after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?" but rather "How long until France collapses?"
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Tas
My General blog: http://tasmancave.blogspot.com/
My VSF Blog: http://pauljamesog.blogspot.com/
My ECW Blog: http://declaresir.blogspot.com/
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?However, after the fall of France in 1940, the French soldiers fought very well on all fronts and many died gallantly in Indo-China, Korea and Africa after WWII, as well. ?I can't fault their troopers, but their leadership and the average man on the street I don't hold in high regard, as they hold the US in low standing. ?Sad but true ...
Let's simply ignore the fact that some of the comments above are highly questionalbe to have the party in peace
