Hi!
Hmm...this brings up and interesting question, who has the absolute worst battle history, in history?
In other words is there any one worse than the french?
Primarch
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| Viva La France! http://www.tacticalwargames.net/taccmd/viewtopic.php?f=59&t=2997 |
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| Author: | Tas [ Mon Nov 24, 2003 10:31 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Viva La France! |
Apologies to any Frogs out there- but it IS funny! ----------- The French Army in action History, Perhaps Ross Perot is right . When advised that France had announced it would not assist, become allied with or otherwise support the US in any war on Iraq , Perot reportedly said: "Having to go to war without France is sorta like having to go deer hunting without an accordion" The French Army in action, a brief history... England over France, July 24, 1340, Sluys, Holland England over France, August 24, 1346, Crecy, France England over France, September 19, 1356, Poitiers, France England over France, October 25, 1415, Agincourt, France England over France, August 10, 1557, St. Quentin England over France, July 12, 1691, Aughrim England over France, May 19, 1692, Cap de la Hogue England over France, August 13, 1704, Blenheim England over France, May 23, 1706, Ramillies England over France, July 17, 1708, Oudenarde England over France, September 9, 1709, Malplaquet England over France, June 22, 1757, Plassey, India England over France, September 13, 1759, Quebec City, Canada England over France, November 20, 1759, Quiberon Bay England over France, August 1, 1798, Nile River, Egypt England over France, October 5, 1805, Cape Trafalgar, Spain Russia over France, Winter, 1812-1813, Russia England over France, June 18, 1815, Waterloo, Belgium Germany over France, September 1, 1870, Sedan, France Germany over France, September, 1914, Marne river, France Germany over France, June 14, 1940, Paris, France Vietnam over France, May 7, 1954, Dien Bien Phu, Vietnam Algeria over France, September, 1962, Algeria ------ The Complete Military History of France * Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. * Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." * Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. * Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. * Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. * War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. * The Dutch War - Tied * War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. * War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. * American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." * French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. * The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. * The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany plays the role of drunk frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. * World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. * World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. * War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu. *Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish,Vietnamese, and Esquimaux. * War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fails after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?" but rather "How long until France collapses?" |
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| Author: | primarch [ Mon Nov 24, 2003 11:28 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Viva La France! |
Hi! Hmm...this brings up and interesting question, who has the absolute worst battle history, in history? In other words is there any one worse than the french? Primarch |
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| Author: | Serps [ Mon Nov 24, 2003 11:51 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Viva La France! |
Wouldn't that be a tie between all the cultures that were so poo at warfare that they lost their first battle and were wiped out? |
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| Author: | Xavi [ Tue Nov 25, 2003 12:29 am ] |
| Post subject: | Viva La France! |
Answer: Catalonia has even a worse record than the french there. We lost all the wars we participated in since we always managed to ally with the losing coalition no matter who it was. Sadly, even one of the victorious leaders over us (Carlos V of Spain) was a bourbon, so a french. OUCH!   In fact there is a common joke played around here played by the independentists that says that in order to win independence from Spain Catalunya should invade Andorra, the country of the pirinean mountains. Andorra happens to have a population of around 30k people and be nothing, but given our battle record we would lose and get annexionated by Andorra. Health and a lot of sixes, Xavi |
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| Author: | primarch [ Tue Nov 25, 2003 1:54 am ] |
| Post subject: | Viva La France! |
Hi! Serps, your comment reminds me of the game civilization when you wipe out a factions last city... "the americans were destroyed by the persians".... Primarch |
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| Author: | Legion 4 [ Tue Nov 25, 2003 6:46 am ] |
| Post subject: | Viva La France! |
I read the second part of the this history lesson on line too, very accurate and very amusing. ?  ?However, after the fall of France in 1940, the French soldiers fought very well on all fronts and many died gallantly in Indo-China, Korea and Africa after WWII, as well. ?I can't fault their troopers, but their leadership and the average man on the street I don't hold in high regard, as they hold the US in low standing. ?Sad but true ...
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| Author: | primarch [ Tue Nov 25, 2003 8:53 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Viva La France! |
Hi! I dont think they like to be reminded that their country is free, because others shed blood to make it so. Theres that and the fact that many french collaborated freely and willingly with the germans occupators. So its a case of focusing dislike to the outside, to avoid looking at their own short comings as a nation. It happens in the Islamic world too as well as in the US. Self denial is alive and well. Primarch |
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| Author: | Xavi [ Tue Nov 25, 2003 9:19 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Viva La France! |
Funny how the "bully the french" post is turning itself into a "lick the american boots because we are the best, you gits" kind of thread  Let's simply ignore the fact that some of the comments above are highly questionalbe to have the party in peaceXavi |
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| Author: | netepic [ Tue Nov 25, 2003 11:28 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Viva La France! |
I don't know, for a supposed super power, surrendering in 3 days is kinda poo and a new record btw. (I am aware of extenuating circumstances before this turns into a flame war) |
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| Author: | Tas [ Wed Nov 26, 2003 12:19 am ] | ||
| Post subject: | Viva La France! | ||
A LOT of others. Twice. Mind you, I appreciate the cultural enhancments the French have made- who doesnt enjoy the fermented product of grapes, or the delicate taste of a well smoked fromage, and the succulent recipes they have are lovely. Cognac and Champagne are other delights from them. So they arent all bad. And its a good thing their army is/was crud- it let me drop that language as a topic in Grade 8, it was horrible!
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| Author: | Serps [ Wed Nov 26, 2003 1:04 am ] |
| Post subject: | Viva La France! |
Well, they have nukes now, so next time someone wants to invade, the French will make sure that everybody loses. |
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| Author: | primarch [ Wed Nov 26, 2003 1:22 am ] |
| Post subject: | Viva La France! |
Hi! Good point. Primarch |
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| Author: | Legion 4 [ Wed Nov 26, 2003 6:06 am ] |
| Post subject: | Viva La France! |
I don't see any "boot licking" ... but that's me. Many Europeans (and Moslems) dislike the US for many reasons. The US is far from perfect, but the French countryside is littered with cemeteries of US, UK and many other nations' dead from 2 wars. My father was wounded in France in 1944. And many still hate us ... I won't try to change any minds. It does not matter ... |
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| Author: | Tas [ Wed Nov 26, 2003 12:07 pm ] | ||
| Post subject: | Viva La France! | ||
I spent last summer touring the Great War Battlefields- Somme, Paschendale, Verdun etc. Went to all the major Australian sites. The ANZACs there enjoyed the greatest successes for their force size, but suffered the highest % casualty rate of ANY combat force in WW1- usually because they advanced further and faster and so received lots of flanking fire. So yes in WW1 alone some 34,000 Magnificent Australians (from a country of less than 5 million) died in France. Now the bastar*s nuke our backyard for tests. |
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| Author: | stormseer [ Wed Nov 26, 2003 2:04 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Viva La France! |
And many still hate us ... | |
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