Hi!
This is GOOD enough to pin the thread!
Primarch
| Tactical Command http://www.tacticalwargames.net/taccmd/ |
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| Our Bizarre World http://www.tacticalwargames.net/taccmd/viewtopic.php?f=59&t=2996 |
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| Author: | Tas [ Mon Nov 24, 2003 10:18 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Our Bizarre World |
The other laughs were well received so I thought I'd add this from my archives too Cybershadow- I think you could get some buisnsess here with a humour thread mate! ------------- In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Do they look different reversed?) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Much worse than "going blind!") *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time...Reason: under Guamlaw, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England- but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. ( I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises." (Is this a great country or what? Not as great as Guam!) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Who volunteers for this stuff?) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling?) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hummm....I won't touch THAT one!) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of...? -- did the govt. pay for this research??) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Butterflies taste with their feet. (Ah, geez) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain. (I know some people like that.) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like that too) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* And, the best for last..... Turtles can breathe through their butts. (Do you think they have bad breath?) |
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| Author: | primarch [ Mon Nov 24, 2003 11:21 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Our Bizarre World |
Hi! This is GOOD enough to pin the thread! Primarch |
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| Author: | Legion 4 [ Tue Nov 25, 2003 7:12 am ] |
| Post subject: | Our Bizarre World |
Very amusing and very weird ! 
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| Author: | Shadow Hunter [ Tue Nov 25, 2003 11:15 am ] |
| Post subject: | Our Bizarre World |
Here's my contribution. Two peanuts walk into a rather rough bar, not looking for any trouble. Unfortunately, one was a salted. A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here." A dyslexic man walks into a bra. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road." A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says "What are you supposed to be?" The man says "A premature ejaculation." "What?" says the woman. The man explains "I've just come in my underpants." Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?" Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doctor. The Doctor says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well........It's not unusual........." Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!" A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive." Answer phone message "....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key...." Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him". So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy" Two elephants walk off a cliff ...... boom boom! Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, "No, you're right" he said, "the steaks are too high." My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied,"I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms" I went to a really energetic "Seafood Disco" last week .... and pulled a mussel. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it. A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc. "It's ... um ... well ... I have five penises." replies the man. "Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?" "Like a glove." Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself. |
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