Just jumping in with some grammar edits.
Page 3, Paragraph 3:
Quote:
The great rend in space now called the Eye of Terror that was once home to the heart worlds of the Eldar.
Delete the underlined word and add the bolded one.
Page 3, Paragraph 4:
Quote:
according to their desires. Thus there
Replace the period with a semicolon and lowercase "Thus" accordingly.
Page 3, Paragraph 5:
Quote:
Armies of daemons and their living allies fight vast, bloody battles lasting for hundreds of years, where entire worlds becomes little more than vast arenas
This is just personal preference, but swap one of the bolded ones to another "big" word. "Colossal" is always a favorite.
Page 4, Paragraph 4:
Quote:
If you ally with an Imperial force, it is assumed to be corrupted or traitor and therefore a Chaos force itself,
Add the bolded word.
Page 5, Special Rule 1:
Quote:
For example, AIs and robots have no emotions and are unaffected by powers that depend on fear or lust, Inorganic beings are likewise immune to diseases and so on.
The underlined word doesn't need be be uppercased.
Page 5, Paragraph 1:
Quote:
giving Chaos players’ three very distinct styles of army to play
The underlined apostrophe should be deleted.
Page 5, Paragraph 1:
Quote:
Rather than separate the units into army lists with lots of overlap and no room to mix & match (which IMHO is the essence of Chaos),
Here's another personal preference. To me, this reads like you guys feel a structured, by-the-books army is the essence of Chaos. Adding it to the end of the sentence, where players are encouraged to create lists suiting the needs and whims of the moment, would be perfect.
That's all the time I have for now. Five pages down, 55 to go...
By the way, the layout and art looks fantastic!
