Page 10, Grey Knights entry:
Quote:
The Grey Knights are a unique Space Marine Chapter that belongs to the Ordo-Malleus branch of the Inquisition, rather than to the Adeptus Astartes.
Delete the bolded 's'.
Page 10, Inquisitor entry:
Quote:
These are the watchdogs of the Imperium, always on the alert to punish those that stay from Imperial Doctrine and destroy those tainted by Chaos. They are Command and HQ units, have a 4+ Psychic Save, and are immune to all forms of morale effects.
Swap the bold word for 'stray', add a comma where one is underlined.
Page 10, Ordo Malleus Inquisitor entry:
Quote:
They are Command, Elite, and HQ units,
Add a comma where underlined. I believe these are called 'Oxford Commas' or something strange like that. They aren't particularly necessary in most cases, but when followed by another 'and' it looks, and reads, strangely without... at least for me!
Page 11, Colonel and Major entry:
Quote:
Due to their superb tactical experience, they may change the orders of one Imperial Guard detachment that is within 25 cm, immediately after you activate it.
Delete the comma after "25 cm".
Page 12, Beastman entry:
I'd pluralize any non-character units with multiple models to a base. "Assault Infantry" works because infantry is a group, as opposed to infantryman, which is singular. On page 12 you'd need to pluralize Beastmen, Combat Engineers, and Hive Gangers. Cyborg Berserkers is already plural. This sort of thing would need modification throughout the entries following this page, as well.
Page 12, Hive Ganger entry:
Quote:
The Gang Boss must be within 25 cm of all Hive Gang detachments in order to give them orders - they may not be given orders by any other CHQ unit. If the Gang Boss is killed roll D6 - on 1-4 the gang must make an immediate morale check or rout. , on a 5+ the gang explodes in a berserk fury to avenge the death of the Boss. All and all stands gain +1 to CAF for the rest of the game.
This one's messy. Same as always, though. Delete the bolded ones, add the underlined ones, capitalize the italicized.
Page 13, Human Bomb entry:
Quote:
not only have they committed crimes, but in so doing they have betrayed the Emperor.
Add the underlined comma.
Page 13, Ogryn entry:
Quote:
Although mainly Close Combat troops, they are armed with short-ranged, rapid-fire weapons. Devoted to the Emperor and willing
Add the underlined commas and 'the'.
Page 13, Ratling Sniper entry:
Quote:
These are small humanoids that occupy some Imperial worlds, and they possess an uncanny skill with rifles as well as being able to act independently. They operate independently
Add the underlined comma and words where indicated. Also, I would delete the bolded section because it's totally redundant when sitting right next to a sentence that says the same thing in a 'special rules' context.
Page 13, Penal Trooper entry:
Quote:
The collars are controlled by the officers and are detonated when discipline needs to be enforced., such as when a Penal Platoon fails a morale check, remove. Remove one stand and make the morale check again.
This is another rewording preference. It seems to flow better. Add the underlined, delete the bold, capitalize the italicized.
Page 14, Storm Troopers entry:
I would rewrite the Special Rules segment like this:
Quote:
Storm Troopers have a number of special rules:
1) They receive a 6+ saving throw against barrage weapons. Ordinary direct fire weapons are not affected.
2) They are not bound by the Chain of Command rule.
3) All Storm Trooper infantry stands may act as Forward Observers for off-table barrages. They may only call up artillery attached to their own company, however.
4) All Storm Troopers are elite units.
Note that the proposed segment has a couple of minor modifications regardless, including the capitalization of Storm Trooper(s) throughout and a comma added after 'company' in section 3.
Also, capitalize 'troopers' in the paragraph immediately following the Special Rules segment.
Page 14, Warriors entry:
"in sight" scrolls one line too far so it is half obscured by the fancy camo background.
All infantry done! Tomorrow I plan to get through page 22 at least. While plotting this out, I noticed the Zulu AA battery is hanging out with the Vehicles. Why is it not in Heavy Artillery? Seems like someone maybe addressed this one already. Apologies if so.
I hope you'll be able to find something very soon